Well, here it is almost October again, and it’s National Pecan Pie Month, along with Apple Pan Dowdy Month, Ice Cream Month, Unlucky for Weddings Month, and National Anti-Boredom Month.
And the second week of October, from the 11th to the 17th, is National Nude Recreation Week. Don’t ask me why they skipped a day, but Nude Recreation Week concludes with National Nude Day on the 18th!
Personally, while the thought of finding a comfortable seat along the Nude Day parade route is intriguing I have no interest in prancing around in the altogether. Besides, I think nude recreation should be shifted to a warmer month.
You could get chill blaines trying to do much of anything nude the second week of October.
Well, this old world is getting weirder and weirder. According to the news (thelocal.se) Swedish police are wondering what to do with a Frenchman with two asses. Reading further the two asses are named Nounou and Toutoune, and Jacques Abdulaziz has been wandering around Europe with his two pack animals. Good French name, Abdulaziz.
Reminds me of the high price of gas, though. You heard about the guy who went into a Wanna Sak and handed the clerk a fiver for gas. She passed just enough to smell and gave him a receipt.
Speaking of just enough, an Oregonian has repeated Lawn Chair Larry’s feat of going aloft in a lawn chair. I don’t think Kent Couch will get to 30,000 feet – but wanted to get to Idaho. To get in Guiness, of course. It worked, he has the record. For now.
Many Left Coasters are concerned this fall. Especially the politicians. Wildfires in Kali and the Big Sur have sharply cut the wacky weed acreage and by November Oregon may have recovered sufficiently to become a red state.
European boffins have taken a close look at the Odyssey and figured out that Octoober 16th is the 3,186 and a half year anniversary of the day Odysseus showed a bunch of suitors how to shoot bow. He gave the boys a demonstration of target practice, then made butts out of them. Butt being the right name for a target.
Yessir, Odysseus, or Ulysses if you prefer, used that mouthy crowd of suitors for target practice and filled them so full of arrows you could have used them for quivers. The hero of Troy strung a bow so stout none of the suitors could bend it. Then he lined up a bunch of bronze axes and put a single arrow through all of them. A mighty man was Odysseus, and if Homer can be trusted he had a mighty ham, too. Two of them, in fact.
Naturally, our media got it wrong. They claimed that was the date of the fall of Troy, when the Trojan Horse was taken into the city by the victorious Trojans. They really should have put “victorious” in quotes – because the Trojans lost that one, big time. As the “Iliad” explains.
The Odyssey tells of Odysseus’ journey home, the direct way. Around the world, ending with the demise of Penelope’s suitors. Homer used the astronomical events that dated the homecoming as tension heightening devices; the same as the tum de bum tum music and the squeaking door in a hard boiled detective movie.
Nothing new about the media getting it wrong, though. Our media always gets it wrong. In this case by only ten years. A mere trifle in the larger scheme of things. Its hard to say how much the media has declined in the last half century, but I see CBS Evening News has won the Edward R. Murrow award. And that Ed was spinning so fast in his grave his coffin caught fire.
Speaking of doing it wrong, an Aussie airline has been letting pilot trainees rent seat time piloting puddle jumper passenger flights. With the result you could expect. Wrong strip, came in hot, fifteen dead. I think the appropriate song would be “Ain’t gunna do that no mo’, no mo’.”
Well, I see that a few more Americans have discovered what passes for an education ain’t so much these days. You put on a funny hat, tread the boards to get your sheepskin, and whadda ya get? Another day older and still living with your parents basement. Or your grandparents outhouse.
Heck, the toob says two thirds of Americans think our schools need a radical upgrade. “That’s nearly one in four,” according to the talking head. And one of the major reasons is something I have been ranting about for three decades.
Plumb sorry textbooks. Texas had experts vet the schoolbooks the kids were supposed to use this year, and found a student would “learn” 186,000 incorrect “facts” between K and 12. Heck, most kids don’t learn 186,000 facts in twelve years so everything they learn is most likely wrong.
Anyhow, a Denver dude has set a new worlds record. 35 feet into a foot of water. In a kiddie wading pool. With a twelve inch thick memory foam pad under it to cushion the shock. He’s bruised but happy, ’cause he’s going to be in Guiness. Shades of Popeye!
On the science front, Wake Forest’s Dr. Zeng Cui thinks he has found a cure for cancer. All cancers. So far he has injected high potency immune cells called granulocytes from healthy young mice into mice suffering from cancer. Every last one of them recovered. And human granulocytes kill human cancers in the test tube. Next stop, human trials. Starting soon. Can’t come too quickly!
Speaking of health, the Vitamin D Institute webpage says we need 4,000 units of D a day. Twenty minutes of full sunshine each and every day – or ten 400 unit pills. And don’t avoid cholesterol, since D is converted from cholesterol in the skin. Can’t make D without cholesterol. Get your vitamins, or you will have all sorts of stuff you don’t want. Including a lily in your hand.
Speaking of lillies, back in nineteen ought four a young Weatherford Texas feller name of Obadiah Beane paid an Indian Medicine Man a quarter to tell him the secret of living a long life.
“Look at your food, see what you want,” said the Medicine Man. “Eat half.”
Must have been good advice, Mr. Obie was born in 1886, and died in 1994. That was probably a Comanche, although the Comanche were more apt to give white men curses than good advice. But eating just enough to prevent hunger is good advice. Now, if I could just do that!
Oh! Hanny’s Voorwerp is green instead of blue! Hanny is a Dutch schoolteacher, and she found a voorwerp. Like Phil Harris, Hanny found a – rap ta tap – “thing.” But instead of a blue thing, Hanny’s thing has turned out to be a green thing!
This startling news about Hanny’s discovery concerns an intergalactic object that looks like nothing so much as a frog about to gobble a galaxy. A bright green tree frog, with its legs in an odd place. But if it has to kick it’s way across the cosmos maybe that’s the best place. Because space is thinner than water.
Also in the Netherlands, a giraffe helped fifteen camels and an undetermined number of zebras, llamas, and potbellied pigs escape from a circus. Daddy Longneck kicked holes in their cages and they all took a little stroll “downtown.” They were easily rounded up because they all stayed in a herd. Betcha some Dutchers were startled to see a mixed herd of zebras, llamas, and potbellied pigs go by. Some of them probably thought the ganja was extra stout that day.
That reminds me of the day one of Cole Brothers Circus elephants pulled its picket pin and wandered away. About daylight the Comanche County Sheriff’s office got a call from an upset little old lady out Cache way reporting a big gray monster critter in her garden.
“What’s he doing in your garden,” asked the deputy.
“Ain’t gunna tell you, but git out here fast,” was the agitated answer.
“M’am,” sez the deputy, “I can’t send nobody if you can’t tell me why I am sending them.”
“Well, all right,” said the well seasoned citizen. “If you must know, the sumbitch’s a’pullin’ my turnips up with his tail and ramming them up his ass.”
Over on the weird side of the world an Aussie man was pinched for DUI. His blood alcohol content was six times the limit and he was wheeling down the fast land of a major highway. In his wheel chair, with no taillights, that is!